Yoders Canned Bacon.
By Jason Wagner
Canned bacon, wow, okay – as far as processed meats go, I’m actually not all that scared…not to say that most heavily processed meats scare me in the least, no, maybe.
Upon opening the can and seeing the wax paper separating the bacon slices, I was rather impressed. at the initial details..read on for the rest of my thoughts.
Taste – 10/10: What can I say? Bacon that’s been suspended inside of a can of metal is a winning combination! What’s the surprise there? We’re talking about bacon, not Vienna sausages! One of the best traits of the Yoders canned bacon is its complete lack of meat water. Low grade meats that are suspended in meat water is definitely among the more horrifying things ever to be forced down mankind’s throats. The Yoders canned bacon tastes so unlike most canned meats that it’s less like a canned meat and more like a meat that’s been preserved with salt and nothing else! It’s like salted cod, baklava, but instead it’s bacon. Too many adjectives and descriptions in general can be a bit of a problem, so how about I sum up the taste with this – it was amazing; it really did taste like real, refrigerated bacon that had just been fried up without overcooking it. The fat content is perfectly balanced in the sense that it can be eaten right out of the can, no problem or fried up for a hot, slightly crispier and more delicious of an experience. If the bacon had a higher concentration of fat it might have been a problem; thankfully, the Yoders bacon has basically hit the fatty nail directly on its head.
Texture – 10/10: A 10/10 being awarded to both the taste and texture departments? What an upstanding product! The texture is, how should I put this…without any tangible flaws. The meat is completely without slime and even better, the meat is completely lacking in most everything that people traditionally associate with canned meats. Given that there are very few bad traits associated with this product, there is no sense going into any great detail about its nonexistent negative qualities; let’s get to the good stuff. The texture is greatly akin to when you cook fresh bacon just enough so that it’s safe to eat, but not crispy. When I cook myself a big cast iron skillet full of bacon for breakfast, I cook it to the degree that the end result is almost exactly what comes out of the can – chewy with a very slight crisp to it.
Nutrition – 9.0/10: Sure, plenty of doctors would sooner see me crucified than to see me give out a 9/10 to a canned bacon product, but come on – I rate food for the disasters and the (possibly) impending apocalypse! In the event of a life-threatening situation, the fatty and protein rich bacon might be the only thing to properly sustain you. On the more primitive level of things – this can of bacon packs a caloric PUNCH to the stomach! It’s almost ridiculous that this one can of bacon could sustain an active person for a whole day; their arteries might be somewhat (highly) clogged after eating this and only this, but the extremely high concentration of calories will be extremely welcome. Beyond the more basic ways of looking at nutrition, bacon provides its calories through a very efficient, if not brute force method – fat, protein and not much else. The heavy payloads of fat, plus protein mean that the bacon will prove especially advantageous in the cold climates.
Shelf-Life – 8.0/10: I was unable to locate either the best by or the expiration date on my can of Yoders bacon, so do with that what you will. Despite the lack of information, I have a feeling that even if your can was dated for only a relatively short period of time, it would last significantly longer than whatever it was advertised as. The canning companies are known for issuing very conservative best by dates and expiration dates, too. I’d presume that they’re perpetually paranoid that somebody is going to come down with a case of the botulism and that perhaps the sick person will get rather furious at the company. As we know, botulism is extremely rare in even the oldest of cans, but every now and then…
Operational Security – 10/10: Look, if you don’t cook the bacon, they won’t find you. Should you be absolutely dead-set on cooking the bacon, make it quick and even if people are in a fairly closet vicinity, your cover is likely to remain uncompromised. There’s always the chance that a hungry dog will find you, but there are some things that are so difficult to dodge that it’s best just not think about them. I see no reason why something like this that’s completely ready to eat is deserving of anything less than a solid 10/10.
Space-Efficiency – 10/10: These cans of Yoders bacon can be stacked and/or boxed to excellent effect; even better, the incredibly large number of calories per can means that a little bit goes a very, very long way. Damn, I used the word very…twice, thrice; damn…no pun intended. Given the canned nature of these products and the aforementioned caloric megaton per can, I think that I can call these cans amongst the very best additions to your food storage pantry.
Resource Efficiency – 10/10: Have you got a can opener? Yes, this is so light on the resource side of things that a can opener is literally the only thing that is required to enjoy this. Scratch that, a hard, pointed knife will open up one of these cans can well, too. This is truly a ready to eat item. There’s another nicety associated with this bacon – if you fry it up in a skillet, it yields a decent amount of bacon fat; bacon fat is a perfect cooking grease and a fair choice for seasoning cast iron skillets.
Carrying/Backpacking Rating – 10/10: Canned products are usually perfect for the home and the antithesis of perfect for the field: Cans of Yoders bacon are perfect for the home/base/outpost and quite ideal for carrying with you on the move. You might feel terrible after having consumed so much bacon, yet you’ll still be alive (you won’t have starved out) to complain about it. In deciding on the score, I had originally planned to award a 9.0/10, but I later determined that while the weight is a bit of a concern, given what you get out of each can, it balances out more than good enough for the coveted 10/10.
Final Review – 10/10: The Yoders canned bacon is one of those really special items that you feel truly honored to have consumed; honored may be a slightly strong word for some canned bacon, but never mind. This is a truly magnificent example of fine quality canned meat that pretty much delivers across every field. Unless the price of something is through the roof, it’s not my practice to modify my rating based on such a factor. The price of the Yoders canned bacon isn’t quite expensive, but I do suppose that it could be considered a little bit on the premium side of things. If the pricing is a concern than I’d advise you to sample a single can first. Do what you will, but remember that some foods are so delicious that opinions aren’t just opinion, but instead they become informed opinions! The Yoders canned bacon is a food that anyone whom admires the fine taste of bacon will enjoy.