By Jason Wagner
I didn’t feel so great about testing this item out, so I checked the ingredients to try to psyche myself up a bit…let’s just say that words like “Mechanically separated chicken, beef and pork” did little to assuage my concerns
Taste – 2.5/10: Not only does this taste pretty meh, I mean, disgusting – as far as culinary distinction goes, it doesn’t have a great deal of flavor at all, and the flavor it does have is ick, really ick. Salty, and with meat that tastes like a low grade hotdog is exactly what this is like. It’s, as you’ve probably constructed, absolutely horrifying, but, I’m sure there are worse sources of survival eating, and you know what – I’m willing to bet that if you were starving, this would taste pretty palatable.
Texture – 4.0.0/10: I can sum up its texture as extremely smooth and heavily pressed into its shape. That’s it. Not exactly mouthwatering, more like nauseating.
Nutrition – 7.0/10: – The caloric content is roughly 260 calories per can. You’ve got about 12.5 grams of protein, not too bad. Vienna Sausages are no doubt a decent source of very easy and cheap protein, but there’s so many other options out there, as you’ll no doubt discover when sifting through my reviews.
Convenience – 10/10: No heating is required, no shaking, not even a can opener is needed due to the easy-open lid. The taste and texture might not be great, but high marks in the category of convenience are fairly given.
Operational Security – 10/10: The only thing that could give you away would be the gagging you make as you, miserably attempt to choke this minced mystery meat down. So long as you can control the sounds of your own disgust, there is absolutely nothing here that would give you away.
Shelf life – 7.0/10: Depending on how fresh it was upon purchase, I’d imagine this would stay at its pinnacle for about 2 years. I’m sure it would last longer, but alas – 7.0 for the sub-par shelf life, and degree of uncertainty, as in – when it’s no longer edible. Of course, I’d of graded it lower than a 7.0 if it weren’t for the fact that these are basically immune from pests, such as moths.
Bulk/Weight – 6.5/10: They’ve got some weight, but not too much. They stack fairly well, but all and all, these are fairly unremarkable in the bulk/weight category.
Final Review: 5.9/10: Eh, these can usually be picked up cheaply, especially in case quantities, so I guess I could recommend these as a supplement to your emergency food reserves. Having these as a supplement makes sense for they give you a bit of a protein hedge, so to speak.