By Jason Wagner
No, how could this be?? How could a survival food so promising turn out… What the hell am I talking about? Read on for my survival food review of Food for Health Cheesy Broccoli Rice!
Taste – 3.0/10: Bad and I’m not talking about subpar, I mean what I said – this tastes bad, and I didn’t think a vegetarian survival food could taste bad. In the past, I never thought a food stuff, especially a vegetarian one could ever compare to the sheer disgust I experienced when reviewing the Vienna sausages last month or so. Looks like I’ve uncovered that special something. So, why all the harsh words from me? It didn’t taste creamy, at least not in a good way, it doesn’t taste like it’s got any vegetables, least of all any broccoli and most terrible of all – it doesn’t have an even remotely pleasing cheesy taste, unless you consider the taste that I could only compare to moderately spoiled cheese being good tasting cheese. Not good, I was kind of hoping this one would be good, but I immediately started to develop doubts when I saw that there were those odd pieces of, whatever they’re; the chewy things with the unappealing taste, maybe they’re whey, maybe they’re a weird variant of TVP, I’m not exactly sure, but the pieces were 100% not good tasting.
Texture – 6.0/10: Even when cooked as per the instructions, the rice seems to turn to mush, the cheesy sauce is texturely uninteresting, and, unfortunately there isn’t any broccoli to chew on. Of course, the worst part is having to chew on those unidentified pieces of matter I mentioned in the taste section. Taste and texture, both displeasing, well, they cannot all be winners.
Convenience – 7.0/10: Assuming the water takes 10 minutes to boil, this takes a total of roughly 38 minutes to cook, so on that facet alone, this isn’t too convenient. Still, better than roasting a turkey. Too bad that, after all of that (relatively minor) cooking hassle, you’re left with this slop.
Operational Security – 4.0/10: Things like these are the things that you cannot just rough it with, you know? This is the sort of thing you cook inside of a safe zone, because I guarantee you that any and all hungry people in your immediate area will swarm on in for a good, well, in this case – a meal.
Nutrition – 7.5/10: Each bag provides nearly 1000 calories, calcium and minor amounts of other nutrients are also here. Note that this is also quite sodium laden. Of course, being Food for Health, this isn’t unhealthy, hence the 7.5/10, in fact it’s reasonably healthy, but, meh.
Weight/Bulk – 9.0/10: When stored in a container of any sorts, these takes up a neat and orderly amount of space, in addition to that nicety, these are, individually, and in groups – extremely lightweight. It goes without saying that, while these are excellent for throwing into containers, these also make excellent candidates for carrying on your persons.
Resource Efficiency – 6.0/10: Well, it needs 5 cups of water and enough fuel to not only bring it to a boil, but also keep it at a healthy simmer for at least 25 minutes. As it patently obvious, that isn’t the very greatest in resource efficiency, no, not at all.
Filling Factor – 9.0/10: This is very filling, and the reason for this could be the rice, the sauce, decent calories, or maybe it’s just that it’s so goddamn displeasing in the department of taste. Assuming it’s the latter, that means that, if you were to enjoy this, that maybe it wouldn’t be so filling, but ultimately, I am of the opinion that it’s a combination of all four given reasons.
Shelf Life – 9.5/10: As is the case with other Food for Health products, they last 20+ years when stored inside of the bucket, so you’ll definitely want to keep ‘em sealed up, until it’s time to use them, or put them into rotation in your long term food storage pantry.
Final Review – 5.9/10: This survival food product had bad taste, displeasing texture, unimpressive OpSec, disappointing resource efficiency and a great shelf life. If you’ve got some of these lying around, then consider yourself lucky, for anything like this makes for good enough survival eating. Would I necessarily recommend you buy a bucket full of these? Not exactly, but I do see how the taste of this MAY appeal to some, so to sample a pouch wouldn’t necessarily kill you…necessarily…